I mentioned in the Christmas Day blog I posted yesterday that there was something funny I discovered on Christmas Day, when I came down the stairs to put the presents under the tree, and that I would blog about it separately. Well, here it is.
I'm not 'that guy.' Well, maybe I am to some people but I suppose it also depends on which 'that guy' we're talking about. I'm talking about the guy who never loses stuff. Ever since I was a kid, round nine or ten, and I was taking public transport to and from school, carrying my own house keys and so on, I never lost stuff. I recall my dad losing his ball pens all the time. I have friends at work who are forever misplacing their school IDs. One of those same friends loses his mobile phone all the time. Me, touch wood, I don't do that. I don't know why I'm so careful about this but I just don't do it.
Now, I'm trying to claim perfection as a human being and I'm not saying I've never left home without my phone or my wallet or my school ID. I have. At those times, though, I've always known exactly where they are. If I have my phone but not my wallet, I've been able to text my wife and tell her exactly where it is and she's been able to bring it to me, for example. Or, as soon as I get home, I retrieve all of my forgotten necessities and the world can properly spin back on its axis.
There is one thing, though, that puts me in 'that guy' category with regards to losing stuff, which is why I can't claim perfection. It's Chapstick. Yes, good old fashioned Chapstick; not just any lip balm mind you but the actual Chapstick brand and the plain one in the black and white casing with the pink waxy moisturising bullet inside. Honestly, I don't remember when or how I became such a fanatical Chapstsick user. Most people I know use lip balm in the colder, dry months of winter. If they use it in the summer, it's just after coming out of a swimming pool or after too much lying around at the beach. Me, I just seem to use it all the time and I need to. If I don't, my lips, regardless of season, get dry and the skin above my top lip becomes red and irritated.
This entire issue I have with the need for Chapstick could be a topic for another blog but let's get back to my Christmas surprise. As I walked down the stairs and turned into our living room, I discovered Chapsticks everywhere. Each tube was perched upright with a red or red and white strand of Christmas ribbon wrapped around it. Instead of Christmas, for a brief moment I thought of Easter and being on an Easter egg hunt with the eggs placed out in plain sight for the kids to find them easily.
The first one was on the mantle above the fireplace. There were two in front of our TV, one on each side. There's a mini Santa figurine guarding one of them and the two mini wooden soldiers are watching over the other. On the window sill, in front of where we wedge those single sheet picture Christmas cards we get, were two more. There were solo Chapstick sentries on the top shelf of our DVD/CD shelf and on the top of my office tower. They really looked like prison guards looking over the living room. Chapsticks come in packs of one or three so I knew there had to be another lurking somewhere. Smiling, chuckling and cherishing that my wife really knows me, I went into the kitchen to make our daily coffee. Yes, you guessed it. There was one standing in front of the coffee filters. If I were to personify them, which I think I already have, I'd have to say this final one felt like it was the youngest of the bunch; the runt but the cutest of the litter. The solo ones on the shelf and office tower would've been the elite soldiers of this Chapstick army. The ones situated in pairs were the front line foot soldiers, perhaps. (Hey, I'm a writer. Why not give them life, eh? One day I'll blog about my wife's and my stuffed bears collection. They each have a name, a distinct voice and their own personalities. Creative or psycho? Probably a bit of both.)
Well, with nine brand new Chapsticks I shouldn't have dry lips for the rest of the year. I can't wait what my wife does for Easter.