Depth of Desire

No, this post isn't about anything remotely sexual or erotic, as its title might hint at. (Is it just me or has society made us think this way? Haha.) Instead, this is about my son and a value judgement he made last night based on his desire for a new toy.

Last Friday, after I got home from Track and Field practise, my wife informed me that she and our son had made a deal. Our son would have one serving of vegetable everyday until his birthday (a month from now) and he could have the Jake and the Neverland Pirates sword he's been eyeing at Target. (Jake and the Neverland Pirates is a show on the Disney channel that our son frequently watches.) He agreed and, after a couple of delays, he was to have his first bite of vegetable last night.

Veggies are good for you. All sorts of research shows that but not everyone is going to love every kind of legume or leaf out there. Some people, like my wife, do. Others, like me, not so much. I eat the vegetables I like and I discard the ones I don't. I also took to veggies later in life - around my late teenage years - so I'm not too concerned about when my son gets there. He will eventually. Anyway, next to his bowl of Mac 'n Cheese, my wife put down a bowl of steamed mixed vegetables. She forked a broccoli floret and offered it to our son. He looked at it, leaned forward and sniffed it. Then, he went for it but, just as quickly, he backed off. My wife reminded him of their deal to which he shrugged, scrunched his face and said, "You know, I don't think I want a sword."

In other situations, when he's changed his mind and expressed it, there's been a hint of manipulation and pity in his voice and, when we've taken the offering away, he'll immediately change his mind and eat or do whatever it is he'd decided not to. In this case, however, there wasn't any of that. The look on his face and the tone in his voice was sincere, without any kind of irony or pouting or suffering. Naturally, my wife and I were disappointed that he hadn't stuck to his guns and tried the veggies. Like I said earlier, though, he'll get to them eventually.

What was more impressive to me, however, was his value judgement. He'd decided that the sword wasn't worth the cost of eating something that looked and smelled unappealing, to him, and which he felt he wasn't ready for. And, to be completely, honest, I felt proud and pleased. He'd changed his mind and, I believe, he did so after weighing out his options; as much as an almost five year old can. I was especially pleased, too, because he'd made his own decision and stuck to it, even after my wife reminded him a second time that he wouldn't get his sword this way.

There are some people who contend that, in terms of personality, who we are when we're children is ultimately who we'll be when we're adults. If that is, indeed, true then I'm happy. You see, my son showed that he's going to make his own decisions, stick by them and not be coerced by outside influences (the sword). Instead, he's going to have his own value system and do what he does based on that. He knows that he can change his mind about things and that doesn't make him a bad human being.

Naturally, I'd hoped he eaten the veggies but, in the larger scheme of things, I'm glad he didn't. Well done, son.

Karma...or something like it

I've been super busy and with that has come a lot of stress. With the stress has come a lot of inwardly lousy days. In fact, I've used 'shitty' and 'crappy' to describe how things have been lately. And, I'm not boohooing because we all have periods like this. But, when we do, sometimes it's good to vent and sometimes little things happen that remind you that there is such a thing as karma; a reminder that when there's an uphill there's a downhill on the other side.

While the training itself has been going well, I've been stressing about all of my Taekwondo developments. The classes are going well but I wish we could get more students. My preparations from US Team Trials and Nationals are going well but they could be going better and there is also some large financial expenses that's going to come with them. Honestly, I don't know if I can pursue because of the costs.

And then there's my son. He and I were at the store today to buy a gift for a friend from day care. It's the friend's birthday party this coming weekend and Jude and I went to the store to get him something. Jude understood that we were going to get something for the friend and not him but when we got him Jude asked about the gift. When I put it away and reminded him that it's for his friend, he said it too but I could see there was a certain amount of confusion and sadness on his face. It broke my heart. I don't want my son to be a spoilt kid but, at the same time, I wish I could get him everything he needs and wants. To make it more heart-wrenching, the gift is a Thomas The Train Engine thing - Jude's favourite.

Add into the mix that a friend from work brought to my attention that someone was selling online wooden Thomas train set pieces for US$50. Jude has a started set, made also from wood, and I wanted to get that $50 set for him so he can build bigger train tracks and have more engines to play on it. Getting closer to the summer, I hesitated in buying the set because of money concerns. So, to see the look on my son's face, what I felt was more painful than any sidekick I've ever taken in my almost twenty-six years as a martial artist. It was even more painful than the one time I was knocked out in competition.

Well, here's the positive part. Shortly, after putting the gift and the other groceries away, I stepped outside to collect the mail. A neighbour came walking up carrying a large zip lock bag. She offered me the bag, saying that she was gathering things for a 'slightly used sale the local middle school is going to have and before she gave the stuff in the bag to the school she decided to see if Jude wanted them. You see, her son used to love them and seeing how much her own son enjoyed them she took a chance to see if Jude would. What was in the bag? Thomas The Train Engine pieces!  There weren't any track pieces for Jude to add to his own set but there were other engines, a crane piece with a magnet and some wooden trees and other decorative bits to put around the track.

This entire post might corny and, as a story, predictable but it's all true. And, while I'm still feeling tired and going through a down and overwhelmed period, my spirits were lifted having been reminded that good things do happen. It's just that sometimes they don't happen on our time but they do happen.

Well, thanks for listening everyone. I hope you have your own karmic positives and that you have lots and lots of them.

Exes

Yes, the title of this post refers to ex loves. Well, in this case, one particular ex and an experience I had with her recently. For those of you reading, who like scandal and all sorts of sordid intrigue, I'm sorry that this post isn't a confession of an illicit reunion with her that ended up sweating between sheets. Haha. It's much more G rated than that and an episode in how people can really move on and how a common bond, like Taekwondo, can bring people together.

I ran into this ex last week at the NJ USA Taekwondo Team practice. It's funny. I hadn't thought about her in a long time until about a month ago when I visited a former Taekwondo instructor of ours. When I was waiting for his class to end so we could have a chat, there was another woman in the waiting area. She turned out to be the mother of one of the teenage boys in class. I didn't recognize her, she didn't recognize me and I didn't recognize her son but he recognized me. It had been years, about nine, since I last saw him and he's no longer the cute curly haired kid of 7 or 8. Now, he's a handsome sturdy young man of 17. Well, as he and I talked and caught up, the mother joined us and we caught up and she was the one who mentioned my ex.

My ex and I didn't end on the best of terms (How many break ups do, right? Although, perhaps it's material for another post, but I have had the mutual break up without any residual guilt or longing with another ex.) so when I found out that she was still training a certain amount of anxiety crept in in how things might go if we did run into each other on the Taekwondo circuit. Well, States came and went and there was no contact. I went to the first NJ Team practice and there was no contact. I skipped the second practice but went to the third and there she was. I saw her before she saw me. It wasn't until I stepped out onto the training floor to stretch did our eyes meet. She tilted her head and smiled. I stopped stretching and walked over.

Here's the best part. We said hello and just started talking. There wasn't any awkward "Should we hug, kiss on the cheek, shake hands?" moment. We just asked how we were, caught up and started talking about our involvement with the NJ Taekwondo Team. I told her I was there as a competitor. She was there because her daughter, an adorable 8 year old black belt, was there because she's going to be competing at the Junior Nationals.

Midway through practice, and we'd already planned this, my wife and son arrived. They took pictures and I wanted my son to see what his dad is doing as he prepares for US Team Trials and Nationals. I introduced them to my ex and it was cool. Later, my ex and I talked about the training and some of our experiences with the other black belts in the room at various trainings and workshops. I even felt a little sense that we really had moved on because her daughter had expressed to her that she couldn't understand what some of the Korean masters were saying because of their accents and some of them don't have super strong English skills yet. Well, she said she'd told her daughter to go up to Master Bas since I speak English. My ex and I were talking like old friends. I don't think she felt any akwardness and I know I didn't.

At the end of the practice, there was no fanfare or big goodbye or grand "See you next time." She left with her daughter and I left with my family. And that was that. Chalk this up for what you will - two people, older and more mature, or the common ground of Taekwondo bringing us together in a better and different way, the power of children, I don't know. But, it was a really great experience. We were just two old friends catching up and getting along.

What about you? Do you have any positive running into your ex experiences? It can happen. It does happen.

Siblings

I had a funny and cute, even heartwarming, experience this morning.

Before I tell you about it, I have to give you a little rundown of my daily morning routine. Here goes. I'm the first one to wake up in the morning, usually around 5am. Sometimes I'll get up earlier, around 3:30am or 4:00am, if I won't have time later in the day to write or if I'm particularly eager to get back to work on a project I put down the night before because I do have to sleep sometime.

So, I get up at 5ish and walk the dog, Bauer. After that, I make the coffee, pack Jude's lunch and make his breakfast. Most days, I make him a waffle. Guada and I usually have oatmeal and Jude eats some of that, too. He's a growing boy, after all, turning three in twelve days.

The other thing I have to preface this blog with is that Jude and Bauer have really become friends. The sit with each other on the sofa, Jude pets and hugs the dog and he feeds him his biscuits when we come back from our walks.

Well, today, as Guada and I were upstairs getting dressed for work Jude was downstairs watching his usual morning TV - Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Hand Manny, Jake and The Neverland Pirates - and eating oatmeal. As I came down the stairs, making the turn into the living room, Bauer was in his bed, curled up and content. Jude was standing at the coffee table with his spoon in hand looking at me wistfully. Before I could say anything, he blurted out, "Bauer ate my waffle!" I turned from him to his plate and found that it was empty and repeated what he'd said. Jude said, "Yeah, Bauer ate my waffle." From there, I repirmanded the dog, asked Jude if he wanted me to make him a new one (he did and did) and proceeded to make my own breakfast.

It was a naughty thing the dog did and, honestly, from recent behaviour, quite uncharacteristic. It was, however, an overall cute experience. We only have one child but we've joked that Bauer is our first born and Jude's big brother. Seeing Jude, wistful and annoyed at Bauer, I could only imagine what it'll be like if or when we have another child and they do the things that siblings to do to one another and rat each other out to me or their mother.

Best of all, on a Thursday (my longest and busiest day of the week), I couldn't ask for a better start to the day. I love my family.