A Year In The Life - 2015

A Year In The Life – 2015

Happy New Year everyone! Is it too late to say that? 2016 is well underway and I've been thinking about 2015 and the ten most memorable moments from last year. As a result of that reflection, here is my annual A Year In The Life post. Enjoy and best wishes for 2016. 

  

My father-in-law’s death.  

This wasn’t the first death I’ve experienced and it’s not likely going to be my last but it was the first death that directly affected me and my immediate family (my wife, son and I). It was also the death of someone closer, to me, with the exception of my own lola, than any of the other deaths I’ve known.

This obviously affected me because it affected my wife and my in-laws. It still does. One doesn’t get over the death of a loved one so quickly. This death didn’t just affect me in a peripheral sort of way as his son-in-law, however. You see, my wife’s family and my family have been close for decades and our fathers had been friends since the 1950s. My wife and I have known each other since we were kids and, when I still lived in Hong Kong and she lived in The Philippines, I was often the guide when they came to visit. I’d show them and him around, taking him to the right store to buy exactly what he was looking for and to the best local places to eat. During our excursions, he always made jokes and teased me. He was cordial and, as the years went on, when my wife and I were still just friends and on through our marriage, I learnt more about my father-in-law. His kindness, fearlessness, curiosity, generosity, intelligence, faith in God and sense of service to others was unlike that of anyone else I’ve known. In my life, alongside my own father, my Taekwondo masters and my secondary school basketball coach, my father-in-law was someone I admired and looked up to. He is, without question, someone worth emulating; a standard bearer for all men, young and old.

Trying to find something positive from this, I know that he is no longer in pain (he was sick off-and-on for several years before he died) and that he is in Heaven, shaking hands again with the late Pope John Paul II, and exchanging discourse on the state of the world we live in with The Holy Family – Jesus, Mary and St. Joseph – to whom he was passionately devoted. We miss him – my wife, son and I and the entire family – but we take solace knowing that we are better people because of him and comfort because he is watching over us.

My son’s thank you.

Maybe it’s his age and his innate shyness or, perhaps, it’s the poor parenting job I’ve done so far but my son gets quite shy about saying “thank you” even when he knows he should. As a result of that, I’ve developed a slight concern that either I truly have done a poor parenting job or my son is a bit of a selfish ding-dong. Well, some of those concerns were allayed last summer. Summer being what it is, there is less money coming in and, at least, the same money going out with the monthly bills.

There was a day in July when my son and I were kicking around our PS3 and rented a couple of games. We played them, enjoyed them and, when the rental period had run out, they were gone. My son asked if we could buy them and download them. I turned him down citing their cost – one was $59.99 and the other was $29.99. A day or two later, I was in Target and I found both games, on some crazy mega sale. The $59.99 game was down to $19.99 and the less expensive one was available for $9.99. I decided to pick them up and I rushed home before my wife and son returned.  I put them on the top of our game CD pile and said nothing when they got home. I did, though, text my wife that I’d picked them up on sale and I told her not to tell our son. After they’d been home for a while – say, an hour or so – our son finally noticed them. He spoke slowly, moved to them in the same manner. “Hey…um…those look like…” Then he picked them up, as if he wasn’t sure they were real.  He held them up to his chest with their jacket covers facing me. He had a big and confused smile on his face. Then I smiled. Then he cried. It was nothing loud or hysterical but quiet and heartfelt. It was almost as if he was trying to hold back his tears. Then he sat down and my wife told him to thank me. Instead, he put his head down and let his tears quietly flow. Again, she told him to thank me but I told her it was okay and that he was already saying it. In fact, his response was more meaningful than any spoken form of gratitude he could’ve given me.

Studio 509.

No, this isn’t a disco from the 70s (although if my wife and her business partners/friends read this they might get some ideas of running disco night fundraiser event). Instead, Studio 509 is said wife and partners’ fitness studio that they opened last year. All three of them already worked there when it was owned by somebody else (who now works for them) and named something else. What happened was he wanted to sell and they wanted to buy - something that all three owners’ husbands feel should have happened many years ago. While this isn’t directly something I was involved in (other than installing a few hooks and curtains), this involves my wife. She’s happier, making more money and I’m reaping the benefits of both. More than that, I feel the pride that my wife is now a business owner, which has come from her hard work there (before and now) and how much the clientele (and community) rate her and her partners. Well done, ladies! Keep up the great work.

The F.A. Cup.

If you know me, you know the answer to this question – What football (soccer) team do I support? Answer: THE ARSENAL. I became an Arsenal fan, in my mind anyway, through an absolutely ridiculous way. As ridiculous as it was, however, (it’s a possible discussion for another blog post) I’ve been loyal to the core and I’m a Gooner through and through. So, when we  (yes, we) won the F. A. Cup in 2014, after having not won anything since 2005, I was elated. Then, to win it again a year later and in dominant fashion (4-0 over Aston Villa), on the same day I completed my first 10K race in years, I was more than overjoyed. Naturally, I wore my Arsenal jersey for the race and I wasn’t the only one. I saw another runner and a race volunteer at a water station wearing theirs.

Super Essex Conference Champions – Again.

Well, this might be an obvious one but why not? In 2014, my team and I won our first volleyball championship. Last year, we won it again – albeit we shared the title with Millburn, the only team that beat us in the division. Honestly, Millburn and us (Columbia) were the two strongest teams in the division in 2015 and when we lost a close match at Millburn I knew right away that we’d need some luck again to win the title as solo champions. I also knew, however, that the other teams in the division weren’t as strong as in 2014 so we might not get so lucky with one of the other teams beating Millburn. More than that, I knew that we’d have to win our remaining conference games in order to, at least, share the title and that included a home match against Millburn at the end of the season.

Well, to say that my team did the business is understated. We beat the other schools and when it came to hosting Millburn, wow! We advertised this game immensely and the gym was filled to the brim with pro-Columbia supporters. Parents were drumming against their seats, every time we scored the spectators roared. The principal, an assistant principal, the athletic director, other coaches came to cheer us on. In a word, it was electric.

I found out after the game that one of my captains said this to her teammates before the game – “We’re not losing” and we didn’t. At one point in the match, this captain’s rival on Millburn was caught saying “What the f**k!” (silenced by the roar of the crowd but easily lip-read) when she made a big hit that my captain blocked. The ball bounced back to the Millburn girl who tipped the ball back onto our side (thinking she’d won the point she turned to celebrate but snapped back around when she realized she hadn’t scored) only for my captain to recover quickly and dig the ball for one of my other hitters to tip back over the net for a point.

Dare I say it, we did nothing wrong. Both teams played brilliantly but, on the day, we were the more brilliant. It was a match for the ages and what I call My ESPN Moment. Tensions were high, both sets of girls played their hearts outs and the winning point couldn’t have been more perfect than it was. One of my seniors, who’d struggled with serving for two and a half seasons, was poised to serve. She bounced the ball, as she always does, and that’s when I looked to the Millburn side and saw a gap. Their usual main passer moved back an extra step. Why? I couldn’t tell you but it was enough for anyone paying attention to see and make them think about serving an ace. I turned back to my player and wondered if she’d seen it. Then I wondered if she was going to go for the ace (I felt 50-50 about it, to be honest). You can see what happened here in this clip. (Courtesy of Sarai Roberts © 2015).

Of the 2015 Varsity, the majority of them are graduating. For 2016, we’re moving up to a harder division (so is Millburn) and we’ll be facing tougher competition. It’ll be a rebuilding year for sure and one that will likely come with more aches and pains than we’d like but such is the way of school sports – four years max and that’s it. As for the 2015 and 2014 teams, thank you.

Montauk Mayhem.

This was an experience, to say the least, and something I should probably turn into a short story. With the generosity of one of my wife’s friends, we’ve been enjoying a Montauk vacation every year at the start of the summer. This year, we had trouble with one of our cars – the car we usually drive to Montauk – and it made for some interesting adventures. The day we got there, the Check Engine light came on. It had been coming on sporadically and we had the car looked and everyone said it was fine. We were 300-plus miles away from home so we decided to have it looked at. Of course, there’s only ONE mechanic in Montauk (or one that was open) and it was booked. Being out-of-towners and sounding desperate, they took us in. We ended up leaving the car overnight with them and they discovered the problem but the part would take three or four days to get there. We got to Montauk on Thursday, brought the car to the mechanic Friday morning and we were scheduled to return to New Jersey on Saturday. What ended up happening was we drove the car back to our friend’s chalet, cabbed around Montauk and had the car towed back Saturday morning. I rode with tow and my wife and son took the LIRR to Manhattan and the NJ Transit back to New Jersey. Thankfully, the tow driver was a personable guy and not grumpy from having to do a Saturday morning pick-up for a 300 miles single-way journey.

A couple of days later, we had the car repaired for a grand total cost (towing, miles, repair, tolls) of about $700! On the positive side, I got some good writing material. I learnt a bit about a long-hauler’s life and the drag racing circuit – two of the driver’s previous forms of employment. If we go to Montauk this year, though, I may consider taking the train the whole way. Maybe.

The Wind-up Books Chronicle and Asian Books Blog.

I had two pleasant writing-related surprises in 2015. I’m working on my second, third and fourth novels (none are related to the others) but my first book, Back Kicks And BrokenPromises, came out in 2012. For me, it’s out there and, in a way, I’m done with it. I’m not doing any major promotion for it and I’m working on new books. Well, twice this past year, I was emailed about my Back Kicks. Asian Books Blog, a Singapore-based books website, emailed me and asked to do an interview. Naturally, I agreed. I may have put Back Kicks to rest, so to speak, but I’d have been a fool not to accept ABB’s invitation. Click here for the interview. The interview even got me on the shortlist of their 2015 Lunar Book of the Year Award. I didn’t win it but, at one point, I was leading in votes.

The other surprise came from another online books blog, The Wind-up Books Chronicle. This site wanted to do a review of Back Kicks and, again, I gave the go ahead. I sent the reviewer a copy of my book and she took it from there. Click here for the review.

Ed Lin.

I got to have lunch with Ed Lin in 2015. For those of you who don’t know who Ed is, he’s an award-winning Chinese American author. Ed isn’t just an award winner. He’s the only writer to have won the prestigious Asian Literary award, given by out by The Asian American Writer’s Workshop, twice. I blogged about my lunch with Ed previously so, instead of re-writing something, you can click here for my insights on our meal together.

Breaking My Son’s Heart.

In 2015, I signed up to run in the 2016 Disney World Half-Marathon. I was going to use the year training to regain my fitness and we were going to make a little family vacation out of the trip to Disney. Naturally, my son was excited when we told him about it. Unfortunately, due to my father-in-law’s health taking a turn for the worse, we decided to cancel the trip. At the time, we didn’t know how much time my father-in-law had and the doctors even told me wife that he was likely to have several months left whether he recovered or not. Sadly, this ended up not to being the case. However, with that in mind, we cancelled the Disney trip for several reasons. We thought, if my father-in-law was recovering, that we might go to Manila for Christmas to celebrate a final one with him. We also had to be prepared for an eleventh hour trip if things got worse.

My wife was in Manila with her father and family when I told our son our decision. We were preparing for bed and brushing our teeth when I told him. Naturally, he was gutted. What child wouldn’t be? Tears filled his eyes and he was worried that it would be forever when we could go again. I promised him that we will go soon and I intend to keep this promise. I also explained his lolo’s condition and how we had to be there for his mother and his lola and the rest of the family. He understood all of it and accepted it. There were more important things happening at the time and he knew that cancelling the trip was the right thing to do. But here’s where this becomes really momentous. After hugging me, he looked up at me and said “What about the race?” I said, “What about it?” His response: “I know you really want to run it.” I did and I wanted to give my Donald Duck medal to my son. My tears had also gotten wet with tears when I initially told him we weren’t going to Disney but, when he said this, it was all I could do to stop my tears raging down my face like the Pagsanjan Falls.

The Force Awakens.

Do I even have to write anything? Ha ha! I was born in 1969, I’m a child of the late 70s and 80s and I am a crazy Star Wars nut. I’m a martial artist and The Jedi Order is the samurai of space. I was a member of the Star Wars fan club in the 1980s and I still have many of my Star Wars toys from back then. So, again, need I say more?

Now, I’m counting the days until Rogue One comes out in December and Star Wars Episode VIII comes out the following year.

May The Force Be With You.

My Best and Worst of 2013

New Year's Eve is tomorrow and, like many of you, I'll probably stay up counting down to midnight and ring in 2014 while saying goodbye to 2013. And, like many of you and many media outlets, I'll look back on the big moments of the year; at least in terms of my life, anyway. Honestly, the year is gone and nothing can be changed but I suppose I look back to remember fond moments, to try and learn a lesson or two not to be repeated in the new year and, perhaps, even to see what might make for good writing material and story ideas. It's also interesting and, I think, worthwhile to see if I've changed in any way with regard to how I view things or in how I respond to things.

So, without further ado and not in any particular order, here are my moments, good and bad, happy and sad (in some cases both), of 2013.

1. Meeting Rod Dixon. I try to go to the New York Marathon Expo every year and this year I brought my son with me. By chance, as we strolled the aisles looking for the Timex booth and the adidas and New Balance shops, I came across a guy who was handing out 3x5 postcards of Rod Dixon, his arms raised, when he won the New York City Marathon in 1983. When the guy asked if I wanted to meet Rod (I'm going to call gim Rod and not Mr. Dixon because runners are very intimate people), I was more than enthusiastic. You see, I've run the NY City Marathon (NYCM) twice. I was supposed to run it in 2012 but Hurricane Sandy derailed that. I've also, in the late 1990s and early 2000s (there was a gap year from about 2000-2001 when I didn't run much), been a very serious runner. Apart from work, I scheduled everything else around my running. Well, I owe a lot of my devotion to running and my passion for marathoning and the NYCM to Rod. In 1983, when I was growing up in Hong Kong, I watched a sports program on a Tuesday night and it featured that year's NYCM, obviously via tape delay. Well, Rod never led at any point in that race but, when he burst through with just yards to go and won, it was - and still is - one of the most exciting moments in sports I've ever seen. He showed athleticism, persevarance, courage and good old fashioned "To hell with it, I'm going for it!" gusto. Seconds after watching the clip, at the time not fully aware what a marathon really was, I pointed to the television screen and said, "I'm going to run that race." And, like I said, I have twice - in 1995 and 2005. Unfortunately, I was undertrained in both occasions and not as fit as I wanted to be. So, I'm determined to run it again, properly this time, and after meeting Rod and speaking with him I'm reenergized to do so. Rod was at the expo promoting his Kids Marathon Foundation and having my son with me, he gently reminded me that I need to get back to fitness so my son never falls out of it. "What you do, he does," Rod said and ever since then it's become one of my my mantras. Thank you Rod. It was a pleasure meeting you. 

2. My son entering kindergarten. This, and all the paper filing and appointments to get it done, was one of the most momentous moments of 2013. For one, from a practical standpoint, it meant no more day care which, in turn, meant less money out of pocket. And, who cant stand to keep money from going out? More than that, however, it was - as obvious as it was - a sign that my son is growing up. The last five years have gone by in a flash and I can only imagine the next five going by just as quickly. Kindergarten has seen my son grow in all aspects - physically, mentally, emotionally, socially - which is expected but it's his love for school that really makes an impression on me. He sincerely enjoys his teacher and classmates and he loves learning. Making his lunches everyday, checking the work he brings home, attending Back-To-School events and Teacher Conferences, watching the winter concert are all warm blankets around my and my wife's hearts that our son is becoming a 'person.' They also make me look back when I was that age and the things I went through and, as parent, being able to guide and advise him, not from gut reaction or because a parenting book said to do it a certain way, but from experience and wisdom. From the moment my son was born, I became a father. Now that he's in school and has his own interests and friends, I'm becoming a dad. 

3. Pope Francis. Can I say it or is it too soon? I love Pope Francis. His approach to leading the Catholic Church is fresh and openminded. I love how he's focusing on the individual and not on issues. When he said that a person doesn't have to believe and can still be a good person, a spark lit inside me. His deemphasis on abortion and homosexuality is refreshing, too, as is his approach to let local churches manage their own congregations. For me, he's rejuvenated the Catholic Church and humanized it. This year wasn't the first time a pope resigned and a new one was appointed but it's the first time in my lifetime and, in many ways, it's made me feel that the Catholic Church has become more accessible and approachable. Growing up, the Catholic Church was - and I guess still is - this large, enigmatic entity with secrets and hidden practices and, of course, God. The pope, too, was someone who was supposed to lead his flock, whether he wanted the position or not, until he died. In my lifetime, Pope Francis's appointment is the fourth I've been through. For the first two - the appointments of John Paul I and John Paul II - though, I was eleven or twelve, maybe ten, and I remember my mother making me get down on my knees, with her, and pray for the pope each time. I didn't even really know what was happening. As an adult, though, watching CNN and EWTN coverage of Pope Benedict's and Pope Francis's appointments and with Pope Francis's humility and openness, the Catholic Church has, for me, been demystified and isn't as sacrosanct as it once seemed. And that's a good thing.

4. Review and endorsement by IndieReader.com. IndieReader.com is a major website that promotes independently published books. In 2013, I managed to link up with IR and my book, Back Kicks And Broken Promises, was read and reviewed by one of its staffers. Back Kicks got a 4 star rating (out of 5) and received 'approved' status to boot. This wasn't the first review my book received and it wasn't the first positive review either but it was the first review from an outlet that is seen widely by the writing, literary and publishing communities. It was also highly validating to read such a positive review and to know that this, my first novel and a very personal labour of love, has value outside my own mind and heart. The reviewer called Back Kicks "a pertinent novel" and that, to me, is much more meaningful than being told my book is good or liked or written well. Click here for the review.

5. and 6. Invitation to enter my book in the Asian American Literary Awards (AALA). This gets two spots because it impacted me in two ways - one positive and one less than positive. I don't want to say negative because, really, it wasn't but it did bum me out. The AALA is run by the Asian American Writers Workshop (AAWW), the main outlet for Asian American literature in the United States. When I received an email from one of the AALA's organising team members inviting me to enter Back Kicks And Broken Promises, naturally I was elated. I wouldn't say I felt that I'd arrived but I felt that my work was starting to get recognition. In the email, the words "your book needs to be considered" - without a doubt, an emphatic endorsement  - struck me hard. The AALA, a arm of the AAWW knows my work! For sure, some kind of breakthrough into the world of Asian American literati had been made. But, here's where the bum out takes place. The AALA does not accept self-published books; at least not those from a print-on-demand (POD) outlet. If my book was self-published through a small indie press it would still have been considered. The fact that it's POD disqualified it. I wasn't sure what to feel. I knew about this rule when I'd received the invitation and I was the one who brought it to their attenton. Part of me wishes I hadn't, to be honest. In a way, I wish I'd never gotten the invitation because, in the end, it was an unintended tease. In a way. Honestly, I'm glad I did. Having gotten it and with the strong endorsement that it came with, I did feel a win of sorts. I knew, again, that someone other than myself values my book and, as an Asian American author, who better than to value it than the AAWW and the AALA. Hopefully 2014 will see me get an agent and a publisher so my books are traditionally published and, if considered again by the AALA, they can actually be accepted. 

7. and 8. My son starting Taekwondo lessons. This is another double-edge sword of an event. I'm ecstatic that my son has started Taekwondo lessons and that he loves them. I'm also glad for the school he's going to. It's local, the masters teach a great curriculum and are excellent in their demeanour and technique, and the school is current with how things are done in The Kukkiwon (the world Taekwondo headquarters in Seoul, South Korea). The school is also affiliated with USA Taekwondo (USAT) and The World Taekwondo Federation (WTF) so, in addition to getting quality martial arts training, my son will also have the opportunity to enter the world of sports Taekwondo if his so desires. The bum out here, though, is that I am also a Taekwondo master but my son is not taking lessons from me. I don't have my own dojang (training hall) so finding a place to teach him is difficult. Also, I wouldn't have any other students and having other kids in his age-based class does help. It's a martial arts tradition, though, for a father who studies martial arts to pass his martial arts down to his children. It's a tradition, since I got my first degree black belt in 1989, I'd hoped to continue. My father didn't study martial arts so it's also a tradition I'd hoped and planned to start with my family. It was also one of my goals and dreams. Like I said, I'm overjoyed that my son is doing Taekwondo and that he's doing it where he is - there are few other places I'd prefer for him to go - but it is heartbreaking that it's not with me. A time may come when I am his teacher but, having gone through dojang changes myself, it's not the same. I've trained under many masters but I will always consider myself the student of Grandmaster Kwang Jae Lee, my first Taekwondo teacher and the one who awarded me my first degree black belt.

9. 100 and 101 wins. Of the many hats I wear, being a volleyball coach is one of my favourites. I enjoy sports and I enjoy developing athletes and, having just conpleted my thirteenth season (over four programs) coaching volleyball, I like to think I have an idea of what needs to get done on the court. Due to personnel turnover (we graduated eleven out of fourteen of the 2012 varsity squad) and other personal issues with players, the 2013 season was a struggle but it was nice to finish the second half of the season strongly and, in doing so, I earned my 100th and 101st career wins. This really is a small accomplishment when you consider other coaches have wins in the 500s and some coaches have reached 100 in less time than I did but it's still a milestone and athletes are always looking for them. It feels good, though, to have joined the century club so it's made this list of my ten most memorable or impacting events of 2013. Maybe I'll get to 200 in less than the next thirteen seasons.

10. The Collective. I'm referring to Don Lee's novel. It came out in 2012 but I didn't get to read it until this year and, boy, what a read it is. I don't think it got rave reviews publicly but, for me, it's probably my favourite and, perhaps, the best book I read in 2013. Rarely has a book tugged at me mentally and emotionally as this one did and, rarely, has a book made me cry. I cried in parts when I read Sung J.Woo's Everything Asian and, as a father, how could I not have cried during parts of The Road but Don's book just hit me at the core. I related so much with both male protags and, as an Asian American writer trying to produce meaningful work and find significance in the Asian American writing community and significance within himself, through his work, it was like The Collective was written for me and about me. When I emailed Don and shared my brief review with him, he thanked me. HE THANKED ME! What an honor  He said that my response to his book was what he was hoping to elicit from its readers. If you're an writer, especially an Asian American one, you have to read this book. Click here for Don's site.

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Honourable Mentions: I could probably find numerous events to put on this list but it would turn from a Top Ten to Top 100 and just become ridiculous. There are two other things that happened in 2013 that stand out for me that are worth mentioning, however. 1: I was featured in an article (click here) with other writers, about self-published Asian American authors in Hyphen Magazine and 2: I made a nice connection with YA author Alex London (Proxy). I wrote a review about Proxy (click here) and shared it with him. After that, we exchanged a few emails and he's agreed to look at my current manuscript. Incidentally, he sequel to Proxy, Guardian, is coming out next spring. Click here for Alex's site. 

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So, that was my year of memorable moments of 2013. For 2014, there will be new ones; hopefully progressing my writing career and hopefully all positive. Congratulations to all of you on your accomplishments of the past year and good luck in the next. Happy writing, happy living and happy new year!

My Darth Vader Moment

I love the Star Wars movies and I can't wait for the new ones to start coming out in theatres and, I believe, there's also something going to happen on television. In the meantime, however, I can get my fix from watching DVDs with my son and catching the marathons that happen on TV during Memorial Day Weekend.

This past weekend, however, I got to have a real life Star Wars moment, of sorts. I call it 'my Darth Vader moment' and it refers to Darth Vader's showdown duel with Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope. In that scene, Vader says, "We meet again at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now, I am the master."

My Darth Vader moment came, of all things, during a volleyball tournament. I've been a volleyball coach since 1999 (I took time off from 2002-2003 and 2007-2008) and I got my best education under legendary multiple winning state champion high school coach Christine Drevitch, now the coach of Warren Hills, when we coached the Hunterdon Central boys team in 2001. I worked under her for just one season but I learnt so much that, to this day, I still use many of the principles she taught me. And, when I've had a rookie volleyball coach work  under me, I've taught the same principles to that person. I worked with Christine in the spring of 2001 and, after changing jobs, I'd had one or two occasional contacts with her. That was until Saturday when our schools were placed in the same pool of teams for the round robin part of the tournament. 

The way the pool rounds were set up, each match between schools ran for twenty-five minutes or best of three sets, whichever came first. If each school won a set after playing two and there was still time on the clock, they'd continue to play until the time ran out. Well, that's what happened between us. Christine's team beat mine 25-12 in the first set and we beat them 25-22 in the second. With time running out, Christine and her girls won the third set 11-9. Having lost, maybe I didn't get my Darth Vader moment. He won the duel with Kenobi after all, albeit at Kenobi's willingness. Maybe I was more Kenobi than Vader on Saturday and the next time Christine and I meet, as in the Star Wars films, I'll be the victor; although in the movies it's not Kenobi who triumphs over Vader so much as it is good beating evil and neither Christine nor I are evil.  Either way, there was a little bit of that classic student versus teacher moment and, while I did lose, I did give a good showing of myself and, without having asked her, I'm sure she was proud of her student on some level.

So, what about you? Have you had a Darth Vader moment like this? Do share.

A Year in the Life, part II

Hi, here's the second half of my 2011 recap. Enjoy.

July:                  

Nationals. This trip would be our big family vacation. We’d stay at our friend’s place in Marina, just outside of Monterey, and the tournament was in San Jose. So, right now, I can say “yes” to Dionne Warwick. I do know the same to San Jose. I loved it there. Even the drive was nice. Everything was great - fantastic scenery, great farmers’ markets, cool and no humidity weather. We stayed with my wife’s friend Marsh, also a martial artist and a Monterey firefighter. Jude was so comfortable with Marsh. Guada, Marsh and Marsh’s girlfriend got to show Jude the Monterey Aquarium, where she works, and Jude got to feed the seals. I wasn’t able to go because I shot into San Jose to train and watch a friend compete in her division - a new friend, mind you, I’d made through the seminar and test in June – but just knowing my son was able to experience something as cool as feeding the seals made me happy.

Nationals itself was nice. I attended a small but meaningful opening ceremony. Each state walked in with signs, just like the countries do in the Olympics, and we heard opening speeches, pledged an oath to compete fairly and we watched some Taekwondo demonstrations. Was I excited after that? Heck, yeah! I couldn’t wait for the tournament to begin.

My actual competition was on the Saturday before July 4. There were 11 competitors in my division and I went right to the staging area. There, I warmed up, practiced my forms, relaxed. Then I’d repeat. While doing so, there were others doing the same thing. There were also lots of US team members, some I’d seen and competed against in Team Trials. What made Nationals and the year’s return to Taekwondo so rewarding was this: not only did I get to introduce my son to the thing I love, but, at Nationals, some US team members came up to me and greeted me by name. They’d remembered me from Trials and said they’d wished they could’ve helped me at Trials because they knew I was doing the forms the old way. I had pictures taken with some of them and made Facebook connections, too. We’re not all ‘buddy buddy’ and I’m nowhere close to becoming an elite athlete but I feel like I’ve become a part of the larger Taekwondo community. It’s easy to be the master of my school and keep it local and simple. To be a part of the entire community, however,  – making connections with US team members (one, incidentally, Facebooked me a birthday greeting today), making connections with the state association masters (the president served as my coach when I competed at Nationals), making friends in and through Taekwondo around the country – is what doing anything is about. Even as a writer. To make connections through the WDC and with other writers via Twitter, puts everything into perspective: that there’s a whole world out there that I am but a small part of and, yet, I can help it grow; that I do have a part to play.

I came tenth at Nationals. I thought I’d done well enough to place higher but I can accept my position. This was my first time doing this and, really, I pursued so intently for Jude. Sure, I did have notions and hopes – however, very thin ones – that I might medal but it’s okay that I didn’t. I committed, competed and have no doubts or regrets. If I do it again this year, I’ll be better prepared.

August:

Things settled down and got back to normal. I still trained but didn’t have a tournament to compete in. I also saw myself in the mirror and noticed that I’d dropped a good 15 pounds and several inches around my waistline. There’s still a long way to go but I’m heading in the right direction.

My wife’s parents celebrated their 50^th wedding anniversary. Due to scheduling and budgeting, we couldn’t all go to Manila and celebrate with them so my wife went and I stayed in New Jersey with our son and dog. It was an interesting and fun father-son bonding time but it was also a little scary. I didn’t know if Jude was going to meltdown every day without his mother but he did fine. We enjoyed going to the pool, playing soccer in the park and watching movies. I wouldn’t want to play ‘single parent’ all the time but it was a nice, like I said, father-son bonding time.

This month also saw me take over, again, as head volleyball coach at my district’s high school. My second time around in this position, I knew better what I was doing and what I wanted to achieve and how to go about doing it. We had some success and some failures – and most of the credit goes to the players – but we did get to do things our volleyball team hasn’t done it a long time. We beat some of the ‘bigger’ title contending teams. We advanced to the second round of our county tournament. Some of our players were voted onto the all-conference team.

Also in this month, I made the decision to indie-publish my novel. I’d gotten lots of praise for it but no one wanted to pick it up and I found that not finding a place for it was stifling my other writing pursuits. So, I decided to self-publish and so began my foray into being a publisher, of sorts. Sure, I wish I could’ve gotten a nice fat advance and all that but, especially for a first book, I’m okay with self-publishing. There are lots of reasons why agents didn’t pick up my work. It doesn’t have to mean my novel is junk. There are simple taste reasons, economy reasons, including shifts in the publishing business with e-books, who knows? Maybe I was just targeting the wrong agents.

September/October/November:

It’s funny but these months really didn’t have much going on. Yes, the volleyball season ended in November with the team having done better than it has in recent years. Yes, there was Halloween and the strange snowfall before it. And, of course, there’s Thanksgiving but, really, nothing much happened to write about.

We did take Jude to see The Radio City Christmas Spectacular for the first time and its magic and the glamour of the Hall got to him, even as a three year old, instantly. “This is amazing,” is what he said. He actually said those words. I love the show. It’s a fun and meaningful program and I was ecstatic that he loved it, too. I hope he continues to enjoy it as he gets older and, hopefully, after I’m long gone, he can take his children and they’ll enjoy it too.

Oh, and about that freak snow storm, it really put me in a foul mood for weeks. I was in Brooklyn, with my wife, a mile or so away from Dumbo and The Powerhouse Arena, when the snow really started to come down. We were on our way to the Page Turner Festival, the annual literary festival and awards event hosted by The Asian American Writers’ Workshop. I’ve always wanted to attend but something always got in the way. This year, having committed to publishing my book, I bought tickets and we were set. As much as wanting to attend the event and hear speakers talk about their work, I also wanted to make some connections as an Asian-American writer, to get my book out and all that.  Well, so near yet so far. The snow forced us to go home. It’s a good thing we did because we would’ve gotten trapped in Brooklyn otherwise. As it was, we got stranded in Newark when the train wouldn’t go and our friend had to get us in his 4x4.

December:

Christmas this year was very special. With Jude more aware of things, the idea of Santa became very real to him. So, Guada and I played it up. As a result, Christmas was brilliant. Jude loved it; getting into the songs, lights, decorations, the gifts, the food, everything. For me, his excitement brought back a renewed joy for the season. I love Christmas but there always seems to be a touch of melancholy around the holidays. Through Jude, I got to feel his innocence and unblemished enjoyment of all things Christmas.

So, that’s what I have to look back on in 2011. As I venture in my 44^th year of life, let’s see what comes with it. My novel will be out in February. Maybe it’ll lead to some things big and exciting. The marketing people at the publisher think it’ll make for a good movie. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get on that US Poomsae team; with dual citizenship, if not the US one, how about Team Philippines?

I hope you enjoyed my trip down memory lane. If you didn’t know me, now you do. I’d like to get to know my readers, too. What stands out for you in 2011? What do you have planned for 2012?

A Year in the Life, part I

Today’s my birthday and I’ve turned forty-three. I first wrote my age as a number but that seemed a little depressing, emphasizing my age somehow. I’m still pretty young, I guess, and in generally good health but I think it’s normal for someone my age to start assessing his life and taking stock of where he is, what he’s done and where he’s going.  I’m in the fifth decade of my life. Some of you reading are way beyond this. Some of you are at about the same stage and others are very far away from turning thirty, never mind forty. Perhaps some of you are even yet to hit twenty.

Last year, at around the twentieth anniversary of the completion of my undergraduate studies, I did a look back to see what I’d done since then. It was a timeline of some of the major events of my twenties and thirties. Today, I’m going to present what I’ve done and accomplished and failed in over the last twelve months. Hopefully it will be an interesting read and, perhaps, educate some and entertain others. Maybe, too, it will provide one or two of you some ideas and motivation for what you want to achieve for yourself.

It’s a bit long so I’ll post it in two parts.

January:

The year started out great with a nice New Year’s celebration. We were in Manila, though, and coming home was a disaster. It’s a really long story but, in a nutshell, out flight was cancelled. People were getting booked on flights two and three weeks later. We couldn’t afford that. I’d connected somehow with another Fil-Am, who works as a travel agent in New York, and following his lead I pressed the airline to get us booked. I’m usually very shy when it comes to speaking Tagalog but this was not a time for those kinds of insecurities. I spoke Tagalog, as bad as I do, and made some progress. Granted, everyone there at the airport spoke English, but, if you’ve ever been to The Philippines and you’re Filipino, it’s never just English. It’s Taglish, which I found out is an official language, so I had to use whatever Tagalog I knew. After about 12 or so hours, we were bound for Tokyo and, from there, on to Newark. While Guada and I were about to lose it, Jude was brilliant. At one point, we had to re-inspect our bags. I’d been carrying Jude and after our bags came out of the x-ray machine, I was setting up to shoulder one, roll another and grab him. He said, “No, Daddy. Don’t carry. It’s too much.” As I write this, I actually want to lose it. At such a young age, he recognized that we’d been through a hellish ordeal (we got to the airport at about 5pm and didn’t leave for Tokyo until about 9am). He slept through a lot of it but, when he was awake, he was happy and smiling. I looked to him whenever I wanted to break down and whenever I was ready to lose my cool at the airport and airline people. He kept me from doing either. Saint Jude is the patron saint of lost causes and hopeless cases. I became attached to the name years ago when I was going through a bad patch and came across a prayer card to Saint Jude. That’s how I became determined to name my son Jude and, yet again, Saint Jude came to my rescue.

I also returned to Taekwondo this month. Well, I never left it but the realities of everyday life had taken their toll and I hadn’t been training regularly, if at all. At the studio where my wife teaches Pilates, Niyolates and Gyrotonic, and where she and another instructor run their own business providing various dance and fitness classes, I started teaching Taekwondo. I do it through their business, Step2Gether, and I use the name of the Taekwondo school I operated in the early 1990s. I knew I missed training in and teaching Taekwondo, and perhaps it’s because of my age, but I didn’t know I missed it as much as I did. I’m really glad I’m back.

I attended the Writer’s Digest Conference (WDC) in New York City and pitched my novel, Back Kicks And Broken Promises, to agents at the Pitch Slam. They were all kind and said nice things. Three of them requested the complete manuscript and two of them compared it, based on my pitch, to The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. It’s my opinion that writers need validation; that what we’re writing matters to someone other than us. Whether my novel is actually on par or similar, in some way, to Junot Diaz’s Pulitzer Prize winner, I don’t know. That’ll be up to its readers to decide. Just hearing these agents say that, though, gave me a sense of hope and reward that what I’ve written could be something meaningful to someone other than me.

February:

Not much happened in February, except for finding out when the NJ State Taekwondo Championships were being held. I’d only started teaching Taekwondo again when I had to get some supplies at a martial arts supply store in Bergenfield, NJ. On the door was a poster advertising the tournament. Funnily, it was held on the same day as the New York City Half Marathon, a race I’d applied to but didn’t get accepted. If I had, I wouldn’t have competed at States and won my division and the rest of the year wouldn’t have happened as it did.

March:

The biggest thing to happen to me in March 2011 was the NJ State Taekwondo Championships. I hadn’t competed in, maybe, 15 years. Granted, I was only entering the forms division, so there wasn’t going to be contact happening but I was a little nervous about getting on the floor and performing. As it turned out, I was the only one who’d entered my division. I still performed but I was going to auto-gold anyway. If there had been others, who knows how I would have done but I was there, ready and willing to put it out on the floor. What was really interesting, and encouraging in a sense, was the fact that once I’d changed into my uniform and sat on the floor waiting for my time and stretching, a confident sense of déjà vu came over me. It was as if I’d never left the tournament circuit and, while the place and faces had changed, the calm I’d gained from experience, despite my absence, hadn’t.  I was relaxed and even confident and I didn’t have any of the nervousness that some of the other competitors looked like they had.

April:

I’d finished the final draft of my novel the previous December and had it in submission with agents so I allowed myself a break from writing to focus on my training. I was still following up with agents I’d queried and working on my works-in-progress but the main activity I was doing was training; getting back into shape and getting ready for the next tournament. You see, a little while after winning States, I’d received an email from USA Taekwondo (USAT), the governing body of Taekwondo in the United States, that I’d qualified for the US Poomsae (Forms) Team Trials and the US National Championships. I’d tried out for a US team before – in 1996, in Atlanta, for a spot on the US Olympic Men’s Handball Team for 2000. I didn’t make it but I was one of about 300-plus who was invited to try out. Unfortunately, for the team, but in a way it eased my disappointment, the US didn’t qualify for the 2000 Olympics.

After reading the emails and talking with my wife, we decided that 2011 would be ‘my’ year; the year in which our focus were these pursuits that were, ultimately, mine and mine alone. We decided that I would train for team trials and nationals for the experience, for our son to be a part of, for writing research and, maybe, to qualify for a national team.

I also began training with the NJ Taekwondo Team. This was fantastic. I got to meet masters who are in the know of how things are currently done and I got to improve on my forms and my fitness. What I’d missed from playing basketball on my high school team in Hong Kong and from our Taekwondo tournament entries with my friends and students from the 1990s was being rekindled here with the New Jersey Team.

I also received a third email informing me that there was going to be a special poomsae seminar and test in June. The test was being given by the Martial Arts Commission of USAT (USAT-MAC) and the seminar was being taught by a senior master from the Kukkiwon Academy in Korea.

May:

May is my anniversary month so, naturally, this has to be mentioned. In 2011, my wife and I celebrated seven years of marriage. This isn’t a lot, in terms of numbers, but when you hear statistics that 50% of American marriages end in divorce and that many marriages (I forget the stats) don’t get beyond 3-5 years, seven is not too shabby.

This was also when the US Poomsae Team Trials were. I’ll admit I had dreams of success. They turned into delusions of grandeur pretty quickly. In preparation for this event, I had to teach myself three advanced poomsae. I didn’t have a lot of time so I spent most of it learning those forms. Of the ones I already knew, I just practiced them as is. Later, after a humiliating last place finish at team trials, I discovered that the forms had changed. They’d become more streamline and uniform; easier to judge fairly in competition. It was still a great experience and a mini-vacation but I did have to put on a brave face. Inside, to be honest, I felt embarrassed and contemplated not even going to nationals.

After my humiliation, my wife and I talked and we decided that I should take the seminar. So, I enrolled in it and applied for the test. I hadn’t tested since 2001 and, since I had enough time in, I could test from 4^th dan to 6^th dan. So, turning to my masters and other masters involved with the state organization, I trained, relearnt everything, trained and trained some more.

June:

It was another mini-vacation, thanks, to Taekwondo that was the main event for me in June - the all-day forms seminar and test. It was a fantastic event and I felt very much at home with the grandmaster from Korea. As soon as he’d arrived with the masters from the USAT-MAC, I bowed to him and I think this gave us some kind of connection. Throughout the course, which started at 9am and ended at 5pm, he would come to each us and correct us as we did the forms the new way; new to me but not the others. It was a packed room that was, perhaps the size of a two squash courts, and it held what must’ve been 90-100 of us. Jude and Guada were great. I wasn’t sure how Jude would be but he stayed happy and watched and played in the play room with other kids. Guada watched, learnt stuff herself and filmed the instructor’s demonstrations on her iPhone. I really absorbed what he taught us and I took it back with me, trying to do the forms the way he did. Strangely, and I don’t speak Korean other than a few Taekwondo-based commands, but I felt like I could understand the instructor.

After an hour break, the test was conducted. There were about nine of us who tested. Another master and I were testing for our 6^th dan and it was a fantastic experience. Those testing were of varying ages so the style of Taekwondo that was on display could have been filmed into a documentary and titled “Taekwondo Through The Ages.” I did everything well, I think, but my breaking routine needed some work. I tried a three-board jump spinning back kick – MY kick – but no go. I hadn’t practiced enough and I was under-rotating. At least my large frame was still able to get up there, though. After three attempts, I switched to a flying sidekick and went right through the wood. Jude, as kids will do, wanted my broken boards.

The following day, I went to my New Jersey Team practice and got my official uniform. That was, simply, cool. I hadn’t been on a team in a long time and to have this uniform, with the New Jersey Taekwondo logo on it, made me feel, again, part of something exciting.