About Me

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Mabuhay! I'm an Asian American writer (Back Kicks And Broken Promises, Abbott Press, 2012), martial artist and teacher who was born in The Philippines, raised in Hong Kong and ended up in New Jersey.

11 September, 2011

Hurricane Irene: Beating Up Our Homes But Not Our Spirits

The hurricane that hit land a couple of weeks ago did a doozy on us but we got through it. Really, it didn't seem any worse than some of the Typhoons I'd experience growing up in Hong Kong - even those at signal 10 - but we did live in a high rise and weren't in any danger of flooding, for instance.

Here in Millburn, however, we were hit pretty badly. We didn't have power for five days, I had a wading pool in the basement and no hot water. I did but up as many supplies as I could during the days leading up to the storm and, luckily, Jude's day care was open and fully functioning and Guada and I had work. At least, for a few hours a day, we were able to enjoy some comforts that we'd taken for granted.

I must say that I feel we've grown from the experience and I feel all sorts of rugged from not having power and hot water and having to take cold showers (how sad is that, that I feel rugged because of this? Haha!) Naturally, I'm grateful that everything's back to normal and I'm thankful that no one here got hurt. I'm also grateful for good neighbours.

The woman next door is not just my neighbour. We've become friends over the last couple of years and she's been very kind to let us use her shower since she didn't lose hot water. Guada took advantage of it and even gave Jude a bath in our neighbour's tub. She also got a generator mid-week from our other neighbours across the street. The husband there is a landscaper and owns a landscaping supply shop in the town over from where we live. I guess it's through the store but he supplies generators for clients to rent. One of his clients must've not needed it after a few days and he brought the generator over and we were able to use it. Naturally, as fate would have it, our power came back on the following day.

The neighbour who supplied us with the generator is the same neighbor whose wife and kids cleared the snow off our driveway and sidewalks when were away in The Philippines last December. I am very grateful for them.

On an interesting note, after we got our power back and the basement was cleared of all the flooding, I reignited the water heater's pilot light and tried to get the hot water going. While the pilot would light, once I raised the thermostat any amount, the flame would engulf itself. I contacted my landlady about it and I bought a bucket and a kettle (which we'd needed anyway) so We could boil some water, mix it with the cold water from the tap and take Filipino-style tabo baths. The morning after I bought the bucket and kettle, for some strange reason, I relit the water heater pilot, adjusted the temperature and, voila, the fire stayed and hot water poured out of the the faucets.

With this kind of luck, Guada says I should buy a $600 snow-blower and snow boots so that the snow will NOT hit us this winter. Haha!

To everyone who got hit by Irene, I hope and pray that you didn't suffer too much damage, that you didn't lose much of your material possessions and, most of all, that all of your family and friends are okay. To those of you who got hit really badly and did lose a loved one, I offer my condolences and my prayers for material, financial, mental and emotional healing.

"All Muslims Should Be Killed"

It's been ten years since the devastating events of September 11, 2001 and I have to say the fears the attacks left us with are still here.

Before I continue, though, I would like to offer my prayers and thoughts to all of the families that suffered that day and to the people who lost friends and loved ones. For me, I was luckily spared. In the ten years that have passed, I haven't learnt of anyone I knew personally who died at The World Trade Centre or at the other attacks. The closest I came to losing someone was an ex-girlfriend who was schedule to have a meeting in one of the towers at 9 am that day. Her meeting got cancelled so she was home.

As I mentioned, though, the fears of those attacks still haunt us. A couple of weeks ago, as I was cleaning up in my bathroom, the house swayed and the shelf and the bottles on it swayed. It turned out that New Jersey was feeling the effects of a 5.9 earthquake from Virginia. After tweeting and exchanging Twitter messages with a couple of contacts, I jumped to the TV and turned on to CNN. In one of their reports, there was footage of a press conference. As soon as the shaking started, the journalists and camera crews, stampeded for the exits.

I couldn't help from feeling, as I watched the report, that the immediate rush out of the building was due to fear of the building they were in having just been hit with another aeroplane. In today's world, after 9/11, it's a legitimate concern. Nonetheless, as I watched, I was saddened to the point of pooling tears that the world has come to this and that people - the terrorists - would do the things they do. I'm not naive to terrorism. I recall the Iran hostage crisis of 1980 and the terrorist takeover of the Achille Lauro cruise ship quite well. I didn't get why people did that and I still don't. It makes me wonder and worry of the nature of mankind - or is it the conditioning of man? - that makes us say things like "Let's agree to disagree" yet if we can't see eye-to-eye we'll still gouge the other person's eyes out to, fearfully, make him or her agree.

To try and think positively about the world we live in, I think the events of 9/11 have made me more open-minded, forgiving and even tolerant; and I like to think I'm one of the more tolerant ones out there. Sometimes, I fear, however, that perhaps I've become more open-minded, forgiving and tolerant to a fault and as a way of compensating for those who aren't.

Two years after 9/11, there were bombings in the London Underground. Someone I know said, of the bombings, "All Muslims should be killed." This person and I were never friends in the true sense of the word but we were more than just colleagues, co-workers and acquaintances. I don't talk to this person anymore. Reacting and not responding, initially, I wanted to beat him to a pulp. I didn't. What he'd said was really stupid, ignorant and I have some very close friends who are Muslims so, for their sake, I simply wanted to kick this guy's you know what. I just walked away. Then, I wanted to come back and say, "Then, shouldn't all white guys be killed since it was a white guy who bombed the Federal Building in Texas in the late 1990s?" I didn't do that either. I did , however, walk away with the strong feeling that it is people who do things - good and bad - and NOT ideology. Ideologies are guides, in my opinion, that are meant o be interpreted for the greater good of ALL mankind. Any time an ideology is interpreted in such a way that there is destruction and death then that ideology has been misinterpreted.

People hurt people. Not religions, not races, not genders. People.

People can change, too, and make this world a better place to live in. That change, however, can't be forced. It has to come from within the person. I can't change you. You can't change me. We can influence each other's thought processes and belief systems but we can't change unless we make the conscious decision and effort to change.

As the great Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see."



Mr. Mom

It's been a long time since I last posted and I say that honestly, having let time slip by without even realising it. So, I'm back and I promise to be more diligent about keeping my posts ongoing and regular.

So, what's happened since 'Christmas in July?'

For one, I had my first experience playing single dad last month when my wife flew to The Philippines to attend her parents' Golden Anniversary celebrations. Jude and I would have gone too but it just wasn't financial feasible for all of us to make it. Regardless of our absence, from the stories Guada told and the pictures and videos she's shown us, they all had a great time and really cherished the meaning of fifty years together.

As for Jude and I, it was also a celebration of sorts. Naturally, we both missed Guada (and she missed us, too), but we she and I got to experience some quality alone time. She broke down in tears when we met her at JFK upon her return and she said the early days apart were the hardest but there was also an escape from the daily grind to catch up with who she is and to reconnect with Guada as an individual human being.

Jude and I, I suppose, did the same thing and we had some serious father-son bonding moments. A day at the pool at the gym, an afternoon of football (soccer) in the park, seeing The Smurfs movie together, watching the pilot movie of the old Batman series starring Adam West and Burt Ward (which Jude loves and still asks to watch now and again...thank God for DVR!) and just simply getting an appreciation for each other.

Funnily - and I'm not saying I'm a candidate for Parent of the Year or an advocate for single parenthood - but with Guada away, Jude and I were able to establish a schedule that worked like a Swiss timepiece. Naturally, it's easier to have someone else around - my wife - to share the load and hand Jude off to when I need 'my' time. However, with just the two of us, we managed a routine that was easy to follow, saw lots of laughs, was very productive and oozed with quality and closeness like I've never known before.

In fairness, we were without Guada for only ten days but it was a good test and experience and, to be completely honest, one that I thoroughly enjoyed. Would I hope she travels more often and for longer durations? No. I'd miss her, Jude would miss her and that isn't any way, in my opinion, to be a family. People, though, do need their own time and to have their own way of doing things and to be reminded and even remind others that, no matter what our state in life is and the kinds of relationships we are involved in (husband-wife, parent-child, etc), we are all still individuals and it is a specific combination of individuals that makes a given collective.

22 July, 2011

Christmas in July

What is it about the summer months that makes me think of and long for the cooler days of autumn and winter (I said cooler and not cold)? Sure, it's hot and humid in June, July and August but I think my feelings for the cooler months has to do with more than wanting relief from the scorching temperatures like our current heat wave.

Every year, around this time, I get a yearning for putting on sweatshirts, smelling freshly fallen leaves (although I don't look forward to raking them into lawn bags and blowing out from under the back stairs of my home and from between bushes that line the driveway) and hearing the sounds of jingle bells and holiday songs. Is it because there's a certain monotony to the summer? Is it because I just love the holiday season? I really can't tell you. I've been like this since I was a kid.

I suspect that, while I'm not unhappy in the summer, I've had some of my happiest times during the cooler months - "Legendary Weekends" with Ian, being fit and training for The Disney World Marathon, taking writing classes in NYC and watching the days get shorter and the night get cooler, making fires from kindling picked from fallen branches in my yard, watching The Macy's Thanksgiving Parade and getting revved up for Christmas - and perhaps my yearning for the holiday time of year has to do with holding on to the past and trying to relive some former joy or some long forgotten glory. I don't know.

I bring this up in my blog because I wonder if anyone else gets a feeling for the fall, winter and the holidays during the summer like this. If you do,write a comment or go to website (filamkickingscribe.com) and shoot me a message.

I hope everyone's getting through our heat wave. Getting into my car after watching "Friends With Benefits" with my wife, my car's thermostat read 103 degrees Fahrenheit/37 degrees Celsius. My wife called the heat "oppressive," which is the best way to describe it. Anyway, while it may be 103 outside, I hope the talk of fall and winter has provided some kind of psychological relief.

Thanks for stopping by. I look forward to hearing from you.

16 July, 2011

Underwear

My son started going without diapers this week.

And I'll admit that that the first time he peed and pooed in our toilet made my eyes well up with tears. He did both sitting down, which I'm told is normal for peeing and something he will eventually outgrow, but it was so cool and touching to see my little boy growing up.  For those of you who are parents and have gone through this or are going through this, you'll get it when I say that hearing his poo plop into the bowl elicited warm feelings of pride and even triumph. And, when he got off the toilet, to see a solid poo at the bottom of the bowl made me feel "WOW!"

This may be too much information for some of you but, like I said, those of who you've gone through this or are going through this with your own kids you'll relate. Funnier still, everyone we ran into on the first day of underwear use, my son would tell everyone, "I have underwear" and proceed to stick his rear end out. With one of my wife's clients, who ran across us at the local - and our favourite - Italian restaurant and pizzeria -  he went so far as to pull his shorts down to reveal the cutest "The Incredibles" briefs.

I can't recall when I went through all of this potty training. I don't know if I should be able to. Was I too young? Will Jude remember all of this? Actually, I hope he does and he takes those fun memories of learning and accomplishing, the sense of pride and the laughs we shared as I tries to clean himself with him as he remembers his parents, after we're long gone, and when he is in this stage with his own children.

Parenting sure has its challenges but it also has its great rewards. When I became a parent and held my son in one hand, yes, I made promises to him and I envisioned his achievements and his successes and the pride I'd feel for him. I just imagined those things to be in academia and/or in entertainment and/or in the arts and/or in sports and the list could go on. I never considered I'd feel those things with the everyday and mundane things of his life.

Maybe that's what being a parent is. Maybe that's what unconditional love is. I don't know. I just know I'm proud. God! What am I going to do when ties his own shoes or combs his own hair?

08 July, 2011

US Taekwondo National Championships

Hi everyone. It's been a week or so since I last posted anything. I'm working on my reflections on my Taekwondo year so far about how I've gotten back into it heavily and how so many things have happened and how they happened. When it's done, I may try to sell it to, say, Taekwondo Times Magazine or I may just post it here. While I'm working on it, though, I thought I'd share this link for you. It's a brief report, in the online edition of The News-Record of South Orange and Maplewood on how I did at the national championships.

http://www.maplewoodnavigator.com/profiles/blogs/maplewood-teacher-takes-10th

Enjoy and 'see' you soon.

Juan

27 June, 2011

Support Crew

We - my wife, son and I - leave for San Jose in two days for the US Taekwondo National Championships. I willbe competing in the 1st Male Masters Division, for black belt men aged between 41-50. I don't know how good a chance I have of advancing to the next round or even placing for a medal on the winners' podium but I do feel better prepared this time around than I did at the US Team Trials in May.

For one thing, I've seen the process and felt the environment. One time on this advanced level doesn't make me a pro or anything close but I do feel that I understand the set up better and I know what to expect. I also have a better idea of what the judges are looking for. That, along with the training I got at the recent poomsae (forms) seminar I attended, have allowed me to train and prepare better. I feel that my forms are more current and I know better how each element should look in sport poomsae. I've also gotten into better shape. I've lost a few pounds but,  while I still want to lose a load more and get into my pre-married shape, more that that my body seems to have undergone a shape shift of some kind. I look and feel leaner, clothes and my dobok (uniforms) fit better and my flexibility has improved.

That's my physical training. In addition to that, there is my team and, first and foremost, are my wife and son. My wife watched the entire poomsae seminar from outside and took pictures and filmed videos of the instructor. As a result of that, she's been my eyes and, essentially, my coach. She's very kind and flattering, too. She's been saying that my forms now "look like those of the Olympians." There isn't Olympic Forms competition (yet) but I know what she means. I don't know if she truly believes what she's saying but is's nice to hear. She's, also, been trying to get me to get all negative thoughts out of my mind. As an athlete and martial artist, I know that to rid myself of doubt is crucial. And, for the most part, I've done so. It's just that I have a more realistic approach. My chances, while legitimate, are slim that I would make any kind of noise at The National Championship. Whatever the outcome of the tournament, she's been a great source of encouragement and she has a  gifted technical eye (coming from years of professional ballet and analysing technique and performance).

My son is the other part of the 'first and foremost' part of my team. He's gotten to a point of his development where he understands what Taekwondo is (something special that his dad and mum do) so his awareness has driven me to do my best for him to see, learn from and, even, emulate.

The other crucial parts of my team are my Taekwondo students. They've also been very encouraging. I teach  them, as it is, so I might as well perform for them too. Naturally, there are various friends in different circles who have asked about my preparation, wished me luck and said I'm going to do well.

Lastly, there are the masters and other athletes I've met through the training sessions I participated in with the New Jersey USA Taekwondo team, especially GrandmasterYoo, Master Kwon and the kids I've helped train for their poomsae contests.

I thank  all of my support crew. Without each and everyone of them, my foray back into fulltime Taekwondo teaching and training wouldn't have been a successful one. Regardless of the outcomes next Saturday, I'll be able to say I competed at Nationals. It's going to be a fun and exciting experience. Hopefully, I can turn all of that fun and excitement into gold.