The Soundtrack of My Life

 

    I was driving home yesterday when I switched radio channels from a regional Top 40 station to the Eighties Sirius XM channel.  The show was going through Billboard Top 100 from 1986 and No Easy Way Out, from the movie Rocky IV, which was released in the autumn of 1985, came on. The song brought all sorts of memories and feelings to the fore - excitement, hope, nostalgia, regret. It was around the time that Rocky IV came out when I took my first Taekwondo belt promotion test. In fact, I watched the movie the night before test day. For me, who would go on and follow a martial artist's path and continue Taekwondo training for decades to follow, the Rocky IV soundtrack and  No Easy Way Out, in particular, took on special meaning simply because of that random and unexpected connection. As quickly as those memories from the autumn of 1985, my first year living in the United States, they left me and Rocky V and the song Measure of a Man and the memories and feelings associated with them took their place. In my head were memories from 1991, when I graduated from Rutgers University, broke up with my college girlfriend, and had the rest of my life ahead of me. 

    It's interesting that two songs from different Rocky movies have such a strong connection to my life and the chronology of my hopes, dreams, successes, and failures. I assure you that there are non-Rocky and non-soundtrack songs that bring back memories of other important times and events of my life. And, don't worry. I'm not (not now, anyway) going to present you with a list of songs that make up my life but, if I did, I wonder what would be in it. An album is, what, twenty songs or so? Maybe it's a few less, sixteen or fourteen. If I do compile a soundtrack of my life, what songs would I include? Would I focus on monumental events in my life, like my wedding, and include my wedding song? Or, would I find a song for every year or decade that sums up what I did or felt or songs that represent my overall mood for each year?

    As I get older - as I've gotten older - and closer to my waning days, I look back more than I did in my thirties or, even, forties. Would coming up with a soundtrack to my life be merely hubris or would it be something worthwhile to leave my son? As a writer, I think it makes for an interesting exercise. Writers create worlds and lives and creating a soundtrack to a life can help form character, motivation, and dramatic need. As a man, husband, and father, I think it's a fun and meaningful endeavour. It can be a musical illustration of a person's evolution.

    No Easy Way Out and Measure of a Man will definitely make the final list of my soundtrack. So, too, I think will one or two Human League songs and several from different Broadway shows. What about yours? What's in the soundtrack of your life?

    Thanks for stopping by. 

Knee Saga

19 June, 2017

KNEE SAGA

I have depressive tendencies.

I haven’t been diagnosed but I’ve read enough to see a lot of the characteristics of a depressive in myself; things like being alone, losing interest in stuff, not wanting to go anywhere or do anything, feelings of hopelessness, to name a few. I also tend to see things darkly. That, however, might just be a practical approach to things. I’d rather prepare for the worst so that I’m ready for it if or when happens – in my mind, it’s more likely when than if. If it doesn’t happen, that’s a bonus.

With the ongoing saga that is my knee, my depressive triggers have resurfaced. I had a follow-up appointment with my ortho last Tuesday and he examined my knee, which was feeling pretty good. During the examination, a sharp pain emanated from within the joint. As the days passed since seeing him, the pain has gotten stronger. (Over the weekend, though, it’s subsided but that’s because I’ve been off my leg for a lot of the time.) My doctor ordered an MRI that I got last Saturday. He also used the word ‘surgery.’ It’d be a 30-minute arthroscopic procedure but with a four to eight week recovery. He said at four weeks I’d be walking again, although not any long distances, and at eight weeks I’d be ‘normal.’ Whatever that means, I’m not entirely sure.

The last few days, my mind and my heart have been in a whirlwind of uncertainty. I coach volleyball. I don’t do a lot of the drills or jumps and runs I put the team through but I do need to be able to instruct and demonstrate. I need to be on my feet on court. I also have a summer job that pays hourly and I need the money. Knee surgery now would impact upon both of these things and not in a positive way. With a four to eight week recovery period, if I got the surgery now, I’d be better by mid-August. There’s plenty of volleyball left to coach and I can continue to prepare for the sixth degree black belt test in December I’m trying to get approved for. Getting the surgery now, however, would also mean no income because I wouldn’t be able to work.  On the flip side, and if the diagnosis isn’t so bad that I have to undergo the surgery now and I can put it off, I could possibly go about my summer as normal and get the surgery after the volleyball season has concluded in November or, maybe, even after the sixth dan test a month later.

Deep down, I know I’ll end up not taking or not being able to take test and that pisses me off and brings me down. I’ll either be laid up recovering, my knee will be in even worse shape, and/or I won’t be prepared. Since I was a kid, there are two things I’ve always wanted to be – a writer and a martial artist. I’ve been both to some level of success. In the 1990s, I managed to sell articles to various martial arts magazines and get paid for them. I’ve published a book and gotten a touch of respect and notoriety because of it. That’s not enough, however. I want to be a working writer. As for the martial arts, I’ve had several good years of training, teaching and competing. I had my own dojang (training hall) twice in my life but, more than that, I’ve tried to live my life and guide my actions according to the warrior ways prescribed by the codes of Bushido, The Samurai and The Hwarang. Even without a dojang now, I try to train at my wife’s dance studio whenever I can and, through my daily actions at work, on the volleyball court and more, I try to live according to what my black belt symbolises. Thankfully, so far, I am able to absorb and accept the situation I am in because of what I’ve learnt and taught as a martial artist.

For now, I’ll use my indomitable spirit and of perseverance to forge ahead and battle this renewed opponent, my knee, and its allies of age, injury and life. Throughout the battle, I hope I make the right decisions on when to get my surgery, if I do actually need it, and my training for the sixth dan test.

Thanks for stopping by.