Failed But Not A Failure

As 2013 comes to an end, like most people, I’ve been thinking about the events of the past year; the ups and downs, successes and failures I’ve experienced. I look back too on the goals I’d set for myself for 2013 and think ahead to the goals I will set for 2014. Looking back, while I have a roof over my head, a shirt on my back, food on the table and a beautiful wife and amazing son by my side, in terms of what I wanted to accomplish in 2013, sadly, I have to say there were more downs than ups.

Looking at my blog post on January 2, 2013, in which I wrote about the five main things I wanted to accomplish, I have to ‘fess up that I scored a resounding F! Of the five, I completed only one. I didn’t succeed in completing a finished draft (one that has gone through a couple of revisions that I’m ready to send out) of Sage Of Heaven. That was my main goal. I also failed at writing a first draft of the second book in the Sage Of Heaven series and a first draft of my Filipino-American short story collection, Five Corners. I had a weight loss/back to fitness goal that went by the wayside as well. Although, there were some stretches when things were going really well in this area. The only goal I completed was to read at least thirty books in 2013. Well, I’ve done that. I’m at forty-two or forty-three.

I think my failure at fulfilling my goals wasn’t due to a lack of desire or discipline. I get up regularly at 3am, regardless of when I go to sleep, to write. And, God, my wife and all my friends know there’s nothing more I want than to be a fit working writer. Instead, I think my failings have to do with my overestimation in my abilities to get my personal goals completed while also trying to get my family goals and current work goals in. I’m a teacher by day and writer by any other time so I have other duties and responsibilities that still need to be met. When I do become a working writer, my personal goals and my work goals will, finally, mesh. There are only so many hours in the day and, more importantly, there are only so many hours in the day that are truly yours. In my case, those hours tend to be the early morning ones before dawn.

In setting my goals for 2014, I’m going to have to remember that. I’m going to have to be less ambitious, more realistic in regarding my situation and, perhaps, even reduce the number of goals I want to achieve. I’m going to have to do this because I’ve come to realize, maybe later than I should have, that my life isn’t my own. My parents will say it never was because it belongs to God. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m referring to my life in earthly terms. My life isn’t my own because parts of it belong to my wife, my son, my dog, my students, my athletes, my co-teachers, my friends. And, while I’m still trying to get my life to be the one I want it to be, before I get there, I’m going to have to accept where I am, which is in a life that I hadn’t planned – at least not wholly. There are parts of it that have gone just right but there are many parts that haven’t.

So, as you make your goals and resolutions for 2014, if you’re anything like me and think big while your situation, resources and the time you have are small and you've been less than full successful in 2013, take stock of what you want to achieve for the next twelve months and be realistic about getting them done. Some of those goals may be able to get pushed back a year or two. Accept, too, who you are and where you are. I’ve failed in meeting all of my goals for 2013 but I’m not a failure. Neither are you.

Having said all of the above, here are my main personal goals for 2014.

1.     Finish a final draft of Sage of Heaven, book one and get it in agents’ hands.

2.     Improve my fitness.

3.     Read at least thirty books.

4.     Complete the first draft of either Sage Of Heaven, book two, Five Corners, or Aliens Among Us, book one.

5.     Get back to and maintain regular Taekwondo training

Goals, not Resolutions

Happy New Year everyone!

I don't make resolutions on New Year's. They imply solutions, finite achievements in one's life, but life, if you've been paying attention to it, is too fluid and evolving. I guess the one true thing that's finite is death but even then, depending on what religion or spiritual form you follow, death doesn't end life. Some of us believe in an afterlife; a heaven or hell, a Valhalla where we live on in a divine sort of way. Some of us believe in the continuous cycle of life - reincarnation into another physical being - that sees life go on in a different way from a different perspective. Add to this that human beings are fluid and evolving. It might sound like a copout - I don't think it is - but making resolutions doesn't allow for failure and, as humans, we - I - am bound to fail. Sometimes we fail because of our own humanness and sometimes we fail because of setbacks that are not our doing. Failing to live up to our resolutions suggests a sense of "less than" and an inherent wrongness about who we are inside; that the person who failed is "bad."

Instead of making resolutions, I set goals. I make plans to achieve them and, if those plans are working, I stay with them. If they're not, I devise new ones. If I decide that the goals I set at the start of the year are too lofty or unrealistic, I change them. That's one of the great things about being human - we can change our minds and decide when/if/how/where we want to do things and how important those things are for us.

Having said all of that, here are my main goals for 2013.

1. Finish writing Sage Of Heaven and either secure an agent/publisher or self-publish it, working so it, and the series, gets picked up like Christopher Paolini's Eragon and its series.
2. Sixty pound weight loss, at five pounds a month, to get back to my pre-marriage weight by 1 January, 2014. In addition to improving my nutrition, this will be accomplished with, but not limited to, the following: at least 3x a week of regular Taekwondo practice, at least 4x a week of cardio training (minimum 30 minutes) and at least 3x a week of resistance training (each body part 1-2x per week).
3. Finish writing my Fil-Am short story collection, Five Corners. I'm talking about a first draft and not a finished manuscript.
4. Read, at least, 30 books in 2013. I read 24 in 2012.
5. Finish writing the first draft of the second book in my Sage Of Heaven series.

These, of course, are MY own goals; the ones that, while they do have bearing on my wife and son, they don't - or, at least, don't have to - involve them in terms of achieving them. Not directly, anyway. The goals involving my family are, say, less tangible, less measurable.

Anyway, there they are. I'm publicising them here to keep myself motivated and honest. And accountable. After all, it's easy to say them just to oneself. And when that's the case, as hard we humans try, it's easy to bail on them. I don't want to bail and I want to succeed so I'm putting them out there and I'll post updates in this blog and through my Twitter (@JuanRaderBas) and Facebook accounts. Feel free to ask me about my progress towards achieving them. In fact, I hope you do so I'll be even more motivated to achieve them so I can respond to you meaningfully. I'm aiming to achieve them either way but your encouragement, nagging, enquiry will serve me well like a drill instructor getting into his new recruits.

I thank you, in advance for your support and I wish you luck in achieving your own goals and, even, your resolutions.

Epiphany

Today’s the Epiphany, the day the three kings got to Jesus and gave Him the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. I believe today is actually the day the Greek Orthodox celebrate for its Christmas celebration. For me, as a Catholic, it’s the end of the liturgical Christmas season and the day that my family takes down its Christmas decorations and puts our tree out into the curb for pickup.

It’s refreshing, in a way, to move on with regular life again (as if that hasn’t already happened with the return to work and the disappearance of Christmas carols from the radio and, just about, everywhere one can go in November and December) but it’s always a little bit of a bummer during the removal of Christmas lights from the tree and seeing the red and green all but gone from our living room. Perhaps it’s from some kind of unresolved childhood issue or missing a big family gathering like I used to have as a kid - and not just any family gathering - or maybe it’s from some other kind of longing that I can’t quite pinpoint or maybe it’s just from the holiday blues but I always have a sense of something isn’t quite finished, that Christmas was somehow incomplete. It has nothing to with the presents I did and didn’t get, did and didn’t give. Like I said, I can’t pinpoint it.

Regardless, this Christmas was probably the best I’ve had in years and, like I mentioned in a previous post, that’s largely because of Jude and his awareness of things and how excited he was. Next Christmas he’ll be more aware and maybe we can revel in his excitement all over again and do a better job of surprising him with his gifts and teaching him the miracle of the season.

Our New Year’s celebrations were a nice wrap up to the season. Other than when we visited The Philippines in 2010 for Christmas and New Year with our families, normally we just ring in New Year at home in a very low key manner. If memory serves me right, in 2009, I think we – Jude, Guada and I – actually went to bed before the ball drop on Times Square. Yes, we actually went to bed. We didn’t fall asleep watching TV and tried to stay up for the countdown. This year, our friends Ani and Sam came over, ate dinner, drank champagne and stayed the night. We stayed up, watched the ball drop, watched clips of Russell Peters on YouTube and laughed a lot. The following day, I got up and went for a four mile run with our dog, Bauer.

I didn’t make any resolutions for 2012 until later in the week. I stopped making resolutions years ago. Yes, every year I vow to get back into shape and improve my fitness. I vow to spend less. I vow to laugh more and be more social. I don’t make these as resolutions because I believe these are things that should be done all the time and not just promised on January 1. On January 2 or 3, however, Writer’s Digest Magazine tweeted if any of us writers had made any resolutions. With my novel coming out in the next few weeks, I decided that I would be a more disciplined writer in 2012.  To that end, I plan to write a screenplay adaptation of my debut novel, Back Kicks and Broken Promises, and finish the first draft of my work-in-progress, Sage of Heaven. Other than that, it’s a case of ‘same stuff, different year.’ I just want to do the ‘same stuff’ better.

So, as the season ends, I want to wish all of you best of success, health, happiness, contentment and whatever else you might want for 2012. If you’ve made resolutions, go for them and I hope things don’t conspire against you so you fail to keep them. And, for the last time until December 25, 2012 and January 1, 2013, let me wish you a final Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.